Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
