My Higher Power is John Stamos
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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