my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
