In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
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I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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