Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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