It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
