Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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