the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
