hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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