Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
