Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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