Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
