guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
