oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
