Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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