if you like me you must not know who I am
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
