YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
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On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
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"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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