So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Can I color on your dick again?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
