Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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