There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
