I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
