Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
