I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
