i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
