Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
