Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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