we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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