While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
