Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
