ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
