i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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