Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
