i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
