The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize