I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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