How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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