dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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