I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
