i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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