Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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