just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
