i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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