I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
