remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
