You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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