I like to think it a success when the cops are called
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
