They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
