i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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