I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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