i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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