I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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