I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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