we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
