I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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