You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
