ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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