i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
