Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
