If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize