U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he fucked my hip out of place.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
