he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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