i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
