And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
