when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
