Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
