This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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