We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
