sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
