So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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