i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
