getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
