You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
