I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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