I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize