He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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